Confessions of a Labeled Loner

You did what? You went where? Alone?
(I love Sherlock btw.)

I’ve lost count on how many times my friends have asked me if I’m lonely because I like spending time alone. Whether it be travelling, shopping, dining out or simply having coffee, I’m always asked whether I’m depressed or lonely. Nowadays, it seems socially unacceptable to be seen without the company of others.

Remember when I went to Baguio and Baler on my own? (See: Solo Trip to the City of Pines and Backpacking in Baler) When my friends found out I went on my own, to say that they freaked out would be a major understatement. They asked if I was okay or if I was having a life crisis that I needed to get away. I was confused, at first, because it was something that I used to do even as a child. Most people find being a lone a problem is because they’re not used to it. Alone? Sure. Lonely? Nope.

According to Wikipedia, "A distinction has been made between solitude and loneliness. In this sense, these two words refer, respectively, to the joy and the pain of being alone." Basically, it’s where you stand on the opposite side of the scale. I find happiness in being alone, it lets me look at life differently.

Does that make me a, as Sherlock says, a high functioning sociopath? No (at least, I think so. haha!). A loner perhaps? More likely. But since the belief is that humans are capable of social interactions and not participating is atypical to the given social norms, the word “loner” often creates a negative connotation. Loser, unsociable, and weirdo are few of the things that I've been called because of my desire to spend some time with myself.

So it begs the question, is being a loner a bad thing? No, it’s not, as long as it’s done in moderation. Being a loner can be viewed on a positive light as well. It indicates independence and freedom. I’ve been called a solo-traveler, adventurous, and independent.

But I don’t discard social interactions altogether. Au contraire, I set up movie dates with my friends, spend birthdays with family as much as I can, meet up for coffee with high school friends, and volunteer as much as I can. But spending time alone is liberating for me. It gives me the freedom to choose what I want.

In the end, it all boils down to the person. The only question with being a loner is whether you have a problem with it or not.

“A man can be himself only so long as he is alone; and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom; for it is only when he is alone that he is really free.” 
― Arthur Schopenhauer

Top things that rock when I spend time alone:

1.       I get to pick where and what to eat without all the fuss.

2.       I get to go to the movies when I want and, more importantly, watch what I want.

3.       If I cancel on myself, then no hard feelings ensue.

4.       I can read in peace.

5.       Gives me a reality check on my life.

6.       I can be spontaneous in case I decided to go somewhere else or do something different.

7.       No one else messes with my playlist.

8.       I can have ice cream all to myself.

Top things I love doing alone:

1.       People watch while sitting inside a café.

2.       Taking a walk around the neighborhood.

3.       Binge watching classic films.

4.       Book hunting.